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Week 3 - Thursday - This is Dedicated

The Architects of my DestructionToday, I blew it.

Breakfast was fine. We both had coffee and nothing else. Lunch was a small salad and the rest of Tuesday's Fassoulia Fourno. (And I have to tell you—it was delicious. I marvelled at the flavor with every bite.) I unthawed Week 1's Tex Mex Chili and we had a small bowl of that for dinner.

So where did I go wrong? Today was Jesse's birthday.


At some point in the day, I concocted a plan, a crazy plan, and without thinking through the consequences, I acted on it. In the afternoon I drove to the store for a pint of ice cream. There were 3 organic varieties available, and I chose the one that seemed likely to have originated the closest to home: Strauss. It cost $4.29.

Then I came home and baked the only cake I know how to make, a Hot Fudge Pudding Cake from Cook's Illustrated Magazine.

Before I did, I sat down and typed out a sanctimonious little draft about the important message celebration can send to a family in distress. It was as I was measuring out the dutch-processed cocoa from my cupboard that it occurred to me that I had just lost all credibility with everyone who has been reading this. Scratch baking is great, and probably saves money in many cases. But dutch-processed cocoa?

There was an organic cake mix at the co-op, $2.49 a box, I checked. That would have been an appropriate choice if I wanted to do something special. I mixed things together and thought about what I had done.

I remember something like this from when my own money situation was difficult. I remember being so good—so frugal—and then, maybe once a year, spending a stupid amount of money on something unnecessary—once it was a fancy facial cleanser. I would walk home wracked with guilt, castigating myself for having bought the item, wondering why I had done it. What was I thinking?

I think it was a sort of safety valve being let off. No extras for so long, and then just wanting to splurge on something. It was like a temporary insanity would take hold of me, and then I would just buy something I couldn't afford.

That's not what happened today. It's easy enough for me to see two weeks into the future when we can go to a restaurant to celebrate, and I can cook anything I want.

"Joy is one of the ingredients that is required to live well," I wrote in that earlier draft, and it is. But what I did today wasn't principled. It wasn't calculated. It wasn't planned for. I don't know how it's going to affect my budget. I'm pretty sure the food costs will be within bounds, but I worry that the outlay will be well beyond the means of anyone trying to live on such frugal means.

I just wanted to do something nice for my husband. I wonder how many mothers and fathers and husbands and wives have made similarly bad decisions for the same reason?

Happy Birthday, Jesse. I love you.

Thursday total (estimated): $10.19. Remaining weekly allowance: $31.39.

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Comments

Just discovered your blog. In Maine, some are organizing a challenge to our congressional delegation to eat for a week on the food stamp allowance. I had no idea how little it was. Just wanted to tell you how envious I am of your CSA yummies. Cherries! Asparagus! We won't even taste our first fresh greens til the beginning of June! Thanks.

>>I worry that the outlay will be well beyond the means of anyone trying to live on such frugal means.

You aren't making decisions for anybody but yourself. You don't need to feel guilty for something you choose to do. People "living on such frugal means" will make their own decisions about what is right for themselves and what treats they want to lavish on their families.

Your moderator is Rebecca Blood. Please be thoughtful and polite.

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» Week 1: Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday | Photos | Summary: Under budget - $3.20
» Week 2: Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday | Photos | Summary: Under budget - $13.34
» Week 3: Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday | Photos | Summary: Under budget - $7.15
» Week 4: Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday | Photos | Summary: Under budget - $6.41
» Week 5: Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Photos

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